Spn ficlet

[wesleysgirl]

This is the ficlet I posted for 12 seconds by mistake. Since then I've messed with it so much it's a completely different thing, and I'm not sure that's a good thing, but... here it is. 247 words.



SPOILERS for Spn 2.21, All Hell Breaks Loose Pt 1







Sam's cold, and there's nothing Dean can do for him.

He only lays him down when he literally can't hold him up anymore. Smooths Sam's hair off his forehead -- he's needed a haircut for months -- then leaves his hand there, the backs of his knuckles against Sam's temple and cheekbone. Dean keeps playing it over and over again in his head; can't help it. The moment's relief when he'd seen Sam, holding his arm like his shoulder was all fucked to hell, maybe dislocated. There'd been just enough time for that thought to go through his head, and then the guy behind Sam had gotten up off the ground...

Sam's eyes are closed now, his face relaxed. He looks peaceful.

Dean leans forward and rests his forehead on Sam's chest. It's awkward, half bent over like this, but he doesn't care because he's been feeling like he can't breathe for a while now. There's a part of him still hoping to feel something -- a twitch, a gasp. Anything. But he knows it's not coming. There's not going to be any last minute reprieve, no surprise happy ending. Sam's gone, just like Dad, and Dean's alone for good now.

He can't get his brain to shut the fuck up.

Sam's dead, and Dean can't shut out the little voice in his head.

I wasn't the one that had to do it.

He knows he'll never be able to forgive himself for feeling just the tiniest bit relieved about that.

Comments

[eponin10.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. That's lovely. And I never even thought about that... that through the grief there's that tiny bit of relief.

So glad you posted this!

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :-)