Headful of Ghosts, pt 27

[wesleysgirl]

Very short, but I don't think this is the end yet.

They get into the first car that will start, and drive. Twice, Xander has to roll down the window and throw up, even when there's nothing left in his stomach to get rid of. Spike complains about the smell, which sets off another round of dry heaves because it reminds Xander of the smell of all that blood, like being in a slaughterhouse. Seeing Doyle like that...

The fact that part of Xander had wanted to believe that Doyle could make everything okay just makes it worse.

"We shouldn't have gone back," he says bleakly, looking out the window.

"Told you that more than once," Spike says, driving.

It doesn't sound reproachful, but Xander can hear the echo of what he said in his own head. "I didn't mean it like that."

Spike frowns. "It doesn't matter."

Xander's tempted to let it go, but he decides not to. "Yeah, it does," he says. "I just meant... it's like I took him to his grave, you know?" It's melodramatic, but it feel true.

"You didn't know," Spike says.

"Maybe I didn't know that exact thing was going to happen," Xander says, swallowing. His throat burns from stomach acid. "But I knew something could."

Spike glances at him. "Don't think you'd have been able to talk him out of doing what he did," he says.

Xander looks out the window. Everything going by is dark, shadowed. There are fires and thick smokes. It's all gone to hell. "Yeah, I guess," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say.

He keeps watching as they drive; he doesn't know what he's looking for.

Comments

[mpoetess.livejournal.com]

Poor Xander. It wasn't like Doyle was likely to have been sent back for anyone else but Angel. And in a way he accomplished... something, since it was only the lengths Angel went to with him that finally convinced Spike to put Angel out of his misery.

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Glad to see more of this story, although it's also true that the end of each bit would make a logical and satisfying conclusion... which, maybe, is the point?

Julia, just guessing, and praising

[herself_nyc]

God this is fucked up.

I mean that in a good way.

[minitrog.livejournal.com]

Every time I read this story gets better, and harder to read - but in a *good* way. You've freaked me out! Good girl! *g*

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh honey. I miss you. I wish you were here to read this reply. *Loves*

[tabaqui]

Ahhhh, damn. Yeah. Guilt and misery and yet, somehow, i feel hopeful.
Cool.

[shighola.livejournal.com]

You have f*cked my shit up beyond all recognition.

Seriously. I am in awe of you and this story.

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

...i actually thought the last post was the last one.... but i'm all curious what happens to spike and xander now. poor xan. :(

[redwolfoz.livejournal.com]

It would have been nice if the powers that be returned Doyle with an instruction manual: You're here to help Angel. Be aware that he's insane and may have something of a George Romero fetish. Invest in a good, sturdy helmet. Things just don't happen that way though.

[adoxerella.livejournal.com]

Such a bleak, sad world, and I love every bit of it.

[remitygirl.livejournal.com]

UM, WOW??

This is so dark and disturbing...but such a good story. It's like the car accident you just can't help looking at when you drive past.

I missed about 10 chapters and got to read them all at once..and thank GAWD! I would've had serious mind f*cks, if left to my own sick imagination for too long (raised on King, Koontz, Barker and more...) As it is I'm shaking inside, feeling a bit 'not right'...and I really DON'T squick....ever!! It wasn't the gore that got to me...it was the real emotions, the devastation and Spike finally putting Angel out of his misery. Don't know why Spike kept taking the beatings and rape...although, I guess I kinda do... Sire and all. Plus Spikes has NO self-worth!! Poor baby. Man, this really effected me....in a deep, cerebral way!! I'll be thinking about this for days. BUT I LIKED IT!!! NO WORRIES!!

Now how about some nice hurt/comfort for Spike and Xander?? Take us back to a safe place...or not?

Thanks for this amazing story. Gosh, I just can't shut up about it. Hard impact, yeah?

[chlare.livejournal.com]

"Maybe I didn't know that exact thing was going to happen," Xander says, swallowing. His throat burns from stomach acid. "But I knew something could."

It's always the what ifs that get you, isn't it? The possibilities that haunt you in the middle of the night. I can just feel his stomach churning and his guilt.

[princess-s.livejournal.com]

Poor guys!! are they never going to get a break?!?