Spn ficlet
Jan. 14th, 2009 09:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wesleysgirl190 words, Sam and Dean, spoilers for 4.10 "Heaven and Hell."
Dean drives because Sam knows this isn't the time to offer to take the wheel himself. Even though Dean probably shouldn't be driving. His eyes are red, and his throat must be sore -- when he speaks, his voice is hoarse, like he's been screaming.
Like he's been screaming.
It makes Sam want to -- he doesn't even know what it makes him want to do, because there's nothing big enough. Punching walls and shouting and breaking things won't even come close to touching what he's feeling, knowing that Dean held out through thirty years of agony and hates himself for finally breaking.
Anyone else would have broken years earlier. Decades, probably.
Sam pretends he doesn't see that Dean is still blinking back tears. He pretends he's not worried for both of them with Dean behind the wheel.
He pretends he thinks there's a way for Dean to recover from this, even though, deep down, he knows there isn't.
All the waiting Sam's been doing, the waiting for Dean to get back to "normal," whatever that really means, has been for nothing.
This isn't the kind of thing a person can come back from.
Dean's still in hell.
Dean drives because Sam knows this isn't the time to offer to take the wheel himself. Even though Dean probably shouldn't be driving. His eyes are red, and his throat must be sore -- when he speaks, his voice is hoarse, like he's been screaming.
Like he's been screaming.
It makes Sam want to -- he doesn't even know what it makes him want to do, because there's nothing big enough. Punching walls and shouting and breaking things won't even come close to touching what he's feeling, knowing that Dean held out through thirty years of agony and hates himself for finally breaking.
Anyone else would have broken years earlier. Decades, probably.
Sam pretends he doesn't see that Dean is still blinking back tears. He pretends he's not worried for both of them with Dean behind the wheel.
He pretends he thinks there's a way for Dean to recover from this, even though, deep down, he knows there isn't.
All the waiting Sam's been doing, the waiting for Dean to get back to "normal," whatever that really means, has been for nothing.
This isn't the kind of thing a person can come back from.
Dean's still in hell.
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-14 02:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-14 04:10 pm (UTC)