La la posting, la la friending, la la monkeys

[wesleysgirl]

Apparently I feel like posting tonight when I really should be making dinner. Okay, actually, dinner is mostly made. The chicken for the cashew chicken is marinating, the brown rice is cooking, the broccoli is cut and washed and steamed. The actual stir-frying isn't done until the last minute.

I feel some guilt about the fact that I don't friend everyone who friends me. Which is possibly stupid. I don't have a policy, I only have complete randomness. But I don't want anyone to feel bad about the fact that I haven't friended them. The reality is, most of my non-public posts are simply flocked (not filtered) and most of my filtered posts are filtered to one person for co-writing purposes. Most of my flocked posts are personal. The recent ones have been about the boy being sick, the cat being sick, a wedding we went to, and family stuff. Things that plenty of y'all probably wouldn't be all that interested in reading about anyway, but, more importantly, stuff that might be recognizable to people I know not-on-the-internet. I'm pretty reluctant to friend new people these days, even people whose LJ's I WANT to read, because I'm hyper-conscious of the fact that they'll be able to read my flocked posts (and I couldn't possibly keep lots of filters straight in my head. Although if anyone has advice on that front, I guess that would be cool.)

In any case, if you care, the best way to get friended by me is probably to actually comment to my posts often enough that I start to feel like I know you, because then I won't be so hesitant to give you access to my flocked posts. I feel pretty comfy with Jossverse fans, but I don't hang out with many Spn or SGA fans (except for those who migrated from Jossverse) or in those fandoms' communities, so I don't have quite a few people's LJs friended that I might otherwise.

I wasn't this paranoid when I entered fandom, I swear! I'm not sure how it happened. I think I witnessed too many incidents in which people got outed as fans or slash writers by accident. Which sucks. But it's not like I'm going to ask people to sign a form swearing that they won't reveal my everyday identity if they want me to friend them. And maybe no one wants me to friend them anyway!

Ha ha ha ha! *Is crazy*

Comments

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Sometimes crazy is good. *glomps you*

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Except when it gets you in trouble with the mods of LJ communities. :-(

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Sometimes mods needs to get the sticks out of their asses ;)

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Only when they're meeeeeean to me. *Whimpers*

[moonlettuce.livejournal.com]

Would you like me to glare forcefully at anyone for you?

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

No, I'm over it. Thank you, though. :-) *Smoooooch*

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

Good luck with this.

Only my kids have ever seen my LJ and they already know about my slash addiction. Nobody else in my RL will ever have the address. No way. It's the only place I can really be myself.

Okay, J. could come here if he wanted to and he sees things I post and such, but he's not really an LJ kind of guy, so that's alright. =>}

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

I'm just so, so cautious. I like knowing this place is mine, and safe. :-)

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

I can understand that. I just don't have to worry, because no one I know would ever see this.

It COULD be because of my age. Very few people of my acquaintance are even online. =>}

AND I'm not a writer, so I don't have to worry about being "outed" for that.

Good luck! =>}

[allegraconbrio.livejournal.com]

Hi. :) I found your post while updating for a newsletter (watching_daily).

I just wanted to relate a bit of my situation because it is kind of relevant on a much smaller scale. I have a locked down journal that used to be fannish. I have not written fic in well over a year and I am now very paranoid about friending people, even when they interest me and I want to read them. It is a paranoia that is work related and also just me not wanting to inflict my personal drama on unsuspecting people. And yet there are people that have friended me since I locked my journal and I don't know why and my paranoid self has not friended them back. I don't have the exposure that you do, but I understand what you are saying.

Also, as someone that did have the Buffy BNF's friended at one point, I just want to let you know that at no point have I ever been hurt that people did not friend me back. I think that most of us that don't get friended in return by the people that have large reading lists understand the time issue and the privacy issue. I defriended the people that did not friend me in return when I had a scare about my smutty slash writing self possibly being outed at work. It was my being paranoid, not the not being friended in return thing that led me defriending people.

This was relevant when I first started typing, really. Maybe. Anyway, I relate a bit to what you are saying here. The social implications can be very daunting when I think about them, but as someone that knows your name even though we don't interact, I think you are one of the good ones in fandom. Don't worry. You aren't making anyone feel bad by not friending them, at least I hope not.

I really wrote a lot here, I apparently have more issues than I was aware of when I started this comment to say don't worry. Sorry for the ramble. I worry about the friending thing too, but I have been on the not friended side and it didn't make me feel bad.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

I just really, really hate the thought of hurting anyone's feelings. I really do. I can't just friend everyone who friends me because 1) there are plenty of times I can barely keep up with my flist as it is and 2) I would be so paranoid that it wouldn't be good for me. But I still worry about people being upset.

*Hugs* I liked the ramble. It was good. :-)

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

Speaking as someone who's been reading your journal forever and isn't friended by you, I don't think you should feel guilty. Would I like you to read my journal? Well, sure, since you're part of the fabric of my LJ life. Do I feel offended that you're not at that comfort level with me? Absolutely not. It's your journal and your choice!

*hugs*

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

See, and then I'm all "wait! I don't have soundingsea friended? WTF?" Because I can't even keep track of who I do have friended, which is mostly because I have a shitty memory.

*Friends you*

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

Hee! You so didn't have to friend me, silly! But you're cute for doing it. :) (My point stands, though -- your friending is your choice!)

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

I seriously thought I'd friended you after WriterCon. I'm just such a flake!!

[ix-tab.livejournal.com]

Whereas I'm just a random flake in the wind, who comments randomly on your lj...seriously I would not excpet you to friend me. I'm just happy to be here, watching you, until you release new fic, which I will pounce on.

I have a few lj friends who I jsut randomly friended back in my heady first days of lj-ing, and now I kind of regret, because we have nothing in common, ect. But I just can't not click on the de-friend button.
And since I don't post my fic in my lj, I assume that people who friend me want to read about the mudane happenings of my life.

And I am a compulsive over-sharer, so the idea of random strangers knowing about me amuses me, in an odd way.

Apparently, through a throw away comment about one of my housemates on my lj, a guy contacted one of my flist inquring about her, wondering if she was the same person he'd known about five years ago...and that was cool.

I kind of like that kind of thing.

....
Sorry, rambling like a mad woman, and I have absolutly no point to this except, I get why you don't friend everyone, it's your space, you should feel happy with what people have access to.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

It's kind of silly, because on the one hand I think my posts about daily life must bore people to tears, but then on the other hand I worry that other people are upset that they can't read them. You'd think I'd pick a party line and stick to it!

Thank you, anyway. *Hugs*

[fadedwings]

I usually don't feel hurt if someone doesn't friend me back if they have a large friends list and/or generally don't automatically friend back...if they friended everyone back but me, then i would take it personally and be sad ;) Unless all their posts are flocked though...that is a different story of course...no point in keeping someone friended if you can't read any of there posts!

I tend not to keep people of my fl if they don't friend me back after a while unless they have large friends lists or are "famous" or something like that. Most of my posts have been public until lately though...now I'm posting mostly flocked stuff and I'm building tighter filters lately too...and new friends don't automatically go into the tighter ones, those just have the people who have been on my list for a while.

For me it isn't really a paranoia thing though (though i tend to be paranoid, just about different things i think) it's more that I feel weird giving access to my more personal posts to people who don't give me that same sort of access...unless I know they don't read me anyway, or i really trust them or if for some reason i just don't care. I tend to be random I guess ;)

Of course one of the reasons for the filters are some people I know in real life that I don't want to talk about certain things about (though most of them don't actually read my posts anyway) It's just weird because of the strange and warped history there and the connection with another friend i tend to whine about from time to time. I've just been feeling too exposed lately but it is just a weird emotional thing...part of me has just been wanting to delete my journal period, but the husband doesn't want me too and i have a permanent account, so I won't... of course i changed the name...but that's because I'm a dork ;)

hmmm...i thought i had a point when i started this ;)

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Hee! It's okay not to have a specific point. Anyway, I think this is the kind of thing you can't just have ONE point about. It's all kinds of stuff all tangled into a big mess, pretty much.

I keep being weirded out by your name change. I see your new LJ name and think "Who is... oh, right." LOL!

[journalkitten.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I know how you feel.

And I may have to beg you for use of your icon, it's so cute!

[bethynyc.livejournal.com]

Hee! Migratory fans!

(hushed British tones)

"We now observe the Modern Migratory Slasher. This fan began in Jossverse as a Spike/Xander shipper, switched her OTP to Giles/Wesley, and dabbled in Potterverse. She has now drifted from Jossverse, though she still returns occasionally, to Stargate fandom, with a quick stop in Supernatural. Quiet! Perhaps we can hear her call to other Slashers!"

squeeeeeeeeeeee

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!! You rock so much. :-)

It's okay - really.

[nowlive.livejournal.com]

You don't know me - other than an occasional LOC under a name not nowlive - I friended you because I thought you were interesting (which has been proven to be true). If you don't friend me - pretty much okay. You have enough friends, I have enough friends. And besides, I don't post a lot - ever. So, I'd be a truly boring friend.

So - filter, flock, block when you feel necessary since it is, well, your LJ.

Don't fret. Don't guilt. Just be. (Ohmmmmmm.) Most of us here are fine with whatever you decide.

Re: It's okay - really.

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I do feel guilty, but I haven't been able to figure out how to stop that, so I guess I'm stuck with it! LOL.

Thank you.